If you’ve been programming radio stations long enough, you’ve no doubt had the delightful experience of working with one or more jocks from hell. You know what I’m talking about. They show up late, break your rules, act out, have “issues,” drive you crazy, and sometimes even threaten you when things don’t go their way.

WKIS (99.9) Kiss Country) Miami OM Ken Boesen (pictured) speaks for most programmers when he says, “The overwhelming majority of air talent are fun, professional and engaging.” Still, you can almost feel the word “but” coming, can’t you?

Take “Buddy,” for example.

“Fortunately, in the 25 years I’ve managed air talent, most have been exceptional,” says KFKF Kansas City PD/morning man Dale Carter. “There have been a few who fall into the ‘trouble’ category in all that time, but one comes to mind immediately. We’ll call him ‘Buddy.’ Buddy is the reason for one of my top 10 hiring rules: NEVER hire someone from a bigger market to come to a smaller one.

“I was programming WYNG in Evansville, Ind., in the late ’80s when we needed a morning guy,” Carter says. “After an extensive search, Buddy from a station in Phoenix was the pick. Almost immediately, he began referring to himself in the third person. (‘Buddy doesn’t do spots.’ ‘Buddy doesn’t do remotes.’ ‘Buddy doesn’t do weekends.’ You get the idea). Pretty soon, Buddy didn’t have a job. (I think he lasted six weeks!) I was told the day I fired him he bought a gun, but I never heard from him again.

“After Buddy’s departure, we found out he had impregnated our 19-year-old receptionist, sold drugs to schoolchildren and was driving a stolen car from Arizona. Without a doubt, Buddy was my worst hire as a program director!”

Carter isn’t the only programmer who had to contend with a weapon threat.

“In my long career doing a myriad of formats and markets, as you might expect, I’ve had many challenges with jocks as well as many, many rewarding moments,” says WWQM Madison, Wis., PD John Sebastian. “Here’s my most memorable story, names and station protected.

“Probably the hardest part of being a program director is firing someone. It is—at least for me—true torture. At one of my stops at a major market quite a few years ago, I was programming a station packed with legendary, often spectacular talent. Unfortunately, not all of them bought into my ‘contrarian’ approach to programming… One of the guys I was forced to let go was particularly volatile. To make the encounter that much more difficult, because of timing issues we had to have this confrontation at night well after business hours.

“I think this famous personality had a pretty good inkling what was going to happen, but I was caught completely off guard with what was about to transpire,” Sebastian continues. “When I asked him to come into my office and sit down, he proceeded to come in gingerly [and] open up his briefcase, exposing a very scary looking handgun! I was already sweating with the anticipation of doing this deed that I hate so much, but with this unexpected turn of events I was nearly in a panic.

“I quickly told him in the nicest way possible that I was letting him go but would do everything in my power to help him get another gig. He never mentioned the gun, never ‘went for it,’ but glared at me in such a knowing way. I’m sure he enjoyed scaring me half to death!”

Kelly Carls, director of operations for Clear Channel Radio in Louisville and Lexington, Ky., recalls a jock he worked with in a previous job programming a country station in Springfield, Mo. “This was back in the days when all stations had live personalities, 24/7,” he says. “We had an evening jock who was very talented, but also immature and irresponsible. He would forget remotes, blow off his assigned production, and just generally screw up a lot. I finally laid down the law and told him that one more infraction—no matter how small—meant he was gone.

“A week later, I decided to stop by the station unannounced in the evening,” Carls continues. “The trail of empty beer cans starting in the lobby was a sign things were not right. When I made my way to the control room, there was my evening jock with two high school girls—all in various stages of undress!

“I guess the moral of the story is: if you’re going to go out, go out big. After that, he got out of radio, and took a job with the railroad. Probably just as well for all concerned.”

“Working with some of those ‘interesting’ jocks is always a challenge,” says Brad Austin, PD of WYTE (Y106.5) Wausau/Stevens Point, Wis. “The most difficult for me was the jock who [thought he] could do no wrong—on or off the air. There was talent there, but it was derailed and overshadowed by immense personal problems: late for everything, overslept often, exceptionally confrontational, party animal, alpha personality with little regard for others around, etc. There were several other ‘oh wow’ issues, but for the sake of anonymity I will refrain from listing those… This person was just a cancerous employee to have in any organization. One of the biggest sighs of relief I’ve ever let out was the day that person walked out the doors for the last time.”

Kevin Christopher, PD of Tyler Media’s KKNG and KJKE (93.3 Jake FM) Oklahoma City, remembers working with a jock back when TV’s “The Cosby Show” was popular. Christopher says the jock decided to “blow the format and do a play by play of the show on the radio. Go figure.”

Christopher also once had a jock resign on the air via coded message. “Talking over ‘Tulsa Time’ by Don Williams, he said, ‘I’ll be headed thru Tulsa in a few hours on a way to my new life.’ I guess you could say I got an on air resignation letter.”

“I suppose we encounter kooky folks in every aspect of our lives—hopefully not at home,” says Boesen. “There was one instance on my first day in a radio station, a personality had received a box at the front desk. I was going back to their office, so I put the box on their desk. When I met them in the hallway, I mentioned I had put a box on their desk. Moments later (you can see this coming, can’t you?) they were at my desk crying hysterically with no evidence why. I finally got it out of them that they were in hysterics because they thought I had put a box on their desk with the intention of having them put their things in it and getting out. Really. I don’t even know anyone who’s that mean.”

Finally, Saga Communications executive VP Steve Goldstein offers this cautionary tale from his experience. “Many years ago, when ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ was popular on TV, I was programming in Hartford, Conn., and the morning jock thought it would be clever to call into the nearby town of Hazardville. He went to the phone book and then called ‘the Dukes of Hazardville.’ A lovely sounding older woman answered and the morning jock asked for Mr. Duke. She told him he had passed away the day before. Oops. Never go live.”

Do you have a “Jocks From Hell” tale from your own career? Or if you’re an air personality, how about a “Bosses From Hell” story? E-mail me at phyllisstark@radio-info.com.