With all the headlines about airport security and screening procedures these days, my thoughts keep turning to those guys and gals who spend more time in airports and on planes than anyone else on the business end of our business—the radio promotion teams.

In the wake of the busiest travel week of the year, I reached out to 10 promo veterans for their worst stories involving airlines, airplanes, airports… basically anything to do with air travel. As someone who has what my friends and family refer to as “bad airline karma” myself, I have a high degree of empathy with these frequent travelers. (Ask me about the time I spent Christmas Eve alone in a Chicago hotel room while my luggage continued on to Singapore, or the time I spent hours trapped in a plane on a Newark, N.J., runway in the middle of the night because someone had breached security inside the terminal.)

Some record execs report that they’ve been quite lucky in their travels through the years. Says Curb Records VP of promotion Adrian Michaels, “I have perfected the science of airport security this year: slip on shoes; high tech carry-on bag; the new, TSA approved briefcase where I do not have to remove my laptop; [and] proper see-thru shave kit bag. I am through security like Lindsay Lohan through rehab!”

But others share stories of missed connections, surly gate agents, belligerent passengers, poor communication and, in one memorable case, flying with food poisoning. A few told us about incidents that happened prior to Sept. 11, 2001, and how they’d never be able to get away with such things now.

“There were a few times before 9/11 that we were rushing to catch a flight and allegedly left the rental car parked at the curbside in front of the departure terminal,” says RCA Records national director of promotion Norbert Nix. “It was in those days when the rental car company would just come and pick it up. Nowadays, I’d be put in jail!”

A couple of stories actually involved those TSA agents who can’t seem to stay out of the news these days. The Valory Music Co.’s national director of promotion Chris Loss shares this now infamous one involving then Valory artist Jimmy Wayne.

“Once upon a time, a TSA agent at the Oakland airport didn’t have a strong command of the English language,” Loss says. “Jimmy thought the agent told him to take his shorts off, so a tired Jimmy did just that. I had already gone through security and Jimmy said my face was priceless when I saw him doing it. Apparently, the TSA agent had asked Jimmy to take items out of his shorts. Next thing you know, it looked like two defensive lineman from the Oakland Raiders pouncing on a fumble, and Jimmy was put in handcuffs. He was released once everyone realized it was a giant misunderstanding.
“At first we said ‘code of the road,’ but then thought it was a good idea to let management [and the] label know,” Loss says. “When Jimmy went No. 1 with ‘Do You Believe Me Now,’ we paid homage to him” in the picture at left featuring the label’s George Briner, Loss and Jon Loba.

Edgehill Music and Media’s Joe Redmond has a story from his Warner Bros. days involving another TSA agent and another miscommunication.

Flying home to Nashville, an agent asked Redmond to unlock his bags. Redmond explained that the bags had the (then new) TSA locks on them, but was told he couldn’t check any locked bags.

“I had specifically spent extra money to have locks on my suitcases that could be opened by the TSA,” Redmond says. “In my head, I explained patiently that my luggage had TSA-approved locks that they could open with a universal TSA-key. Obviously, it didn’t come out that way in reality, as my co-workers later told me. They thought I was going to jail!

“In retrospect, the guy collecting the luggage probably could only speak limited English, and probably didn’t understand most of what I was saying… .or screaming,” Redmond says. “But from that point on, whenever I’d get mad, people (mainly my co-workers, and everyone they told the story to) would say, ‘Calm down, Joe! Don’t go ‘TSA’ on me!”

“That worked both ways, by the way,” Redmond adds. “When someone who knew the story would cross me, I’d say, “Don’t make me go ‘TSA’ all over your ass!”

Nine North Records VP Tom Moran tells a harrowing tale of trying to get himself and Blake Shelton to Chicago for an on-air interview with WUSN (US99).

“It was in 2002 and we were coming off the huge success of ‘Austin’ and ‘Ol’ Red,’’ and Blake was invited to co-host a couple of hours of the morning show at US99,” he recalls. “We met at BNA [airport] at about 5 p.m. Sunday with plans to get to the hotel for a good night’s sleep before going on the air in the morning. Our flight was canceled due to severe thunderstorms in Chicago. Our only chance of getting there was to head to Dallas later that night and get the last flight out to Chicago. Our connection would be tight, but we were assured that they would hold the connecting flight for a reasonable amount of time.

“We get to an all but deserted DFW about a half hour late at around midnight, consult with the arriving gate agent, and were again assured they would hold the plane at the gate but we had to hurry,” Moran continues. “We took off running the full length of two concourses. You have to realize that back then neither Blake nor I were the athletes we are today, so it was more of a sweaty, wheezing, ass dragging than a sprint.

“Along the way we ask for assistance from a small group of idle electric cart drivers (clearly amused by our dilemma) and are told that they were on break. I want to tear into them but don’t have the time.

“We stagger into our gate only to see the plane pulling away. I go crazy on the two gate agents, demanding that the plane return and let us on. They refuse. I am relentless, shouting that they have just destroyed Blake’s career in the top country market in the country, and more. As one agent booked us on the next flight at about 5:30 a.m., I continued to rant as the other agent was calling security. Keep in mind that the 9/11 attacks happened only months prior, and airport personnel had an extremely low tolerance level for irate passengers.

“Blake pulls me away and we take off running again, out of the terminal into the rain. We see no sign of security chasing. It now dawns on us that our bags made it onto the plane, so there we sat on a curb at DFW in the rain in baseball caps and sweats wondering how all this could happen. We looked at each other and just burst out laughing.

“Once at the hotel (only smoking rooms available of course), we were able to convince the bartender to stay open, put the evening into perspective, grabbed a toothbrush from the front desk, took a shower and headed back to the airport looking and feeling rather nasty, but still intent on making it to that morning show,” Moran continues. “Well, our flight was late and we missed the morning show but were able to get our bags, change, and get to the station where [then PD] Justin Case was gracious enough to put Blake on the air with the great Lisa Dent [in middays], who did her usual terrific job of interviewing an artist.

“I think nights like that were part of what Blake meant when referring to his ‘long journey’ in his great CMA Awards acceptance speech.”

Warner Music Nashville VP, radio promotions Bob Reeves had a similar experience of going off on an airline employee, albeit one who deserved it. “I was flying to Saginaw, Mich., in the mid ’90s, while I was with River North Records,” he recalls. “Steve Azar was playing WKCQ’s big Ojibway Island summer show that year.

“My Northwest Airlines flight connected in Detroit, and there was an unexplained delay in the flight from DTW to Saginaw. None of the half dozen people on the puddle jumper knew what was happening, me included, but certainly not the hearing impaired, older gentleman who was also waiting at the unattended gate. I saw an NWA employee walking past and asked for help. She directed me to go out back through security to get re-booked on a different flight. I took the elderly gentleman with me, as he had no idea what to do or where to go. I had to get right up to his ear for him to understand anything that I was trying to tell him, so he definitely wasn’t hearing announcements or gate attendants.

“The line was ridiculous up front at the counter. I told a woman that worked for NWA why we were in line and about the old man I was escorting and she said there was nothing she could do, I had to wait in the line to get to the counter to re-book. About an hour later, we reached the counter and the guy there told us that we needed to re-book stand-by for the next flight at the gate, that we should never have left it, and that someone would have shown up to help us.

“So, we went back though security and headed to the gate, me and the old man, arm in arm,” Reeves continues. “We got there and there was a woman with a sour-looking face physically counting ticket stubs at our gate desk. I stood in front of her trying not to interrupt her count. She never looked up or acknowledged my presence. When it appeared that she had finished counting and written the number down, I asked for her help in rebooking myself and my new traveling companion. She looked up and said simply in a very stern tone, ‘Bother anyone but me,’ and looked back down to her paperwork.

“Anyone that knows me, knows I don’t react well to rudeness, and this woman was about to feel my wrath,” Reeves says. “I stepped back out into the corridor in front of the desk and began to yell at the top of lungs: ‘Is there a Northwest employee here in Detroit that gives one s*#t about its’ passengers?’ and carried on an expletive filled rant until security came to find out what the crazy person was yelling about. They brought along a NWA supervisor, too. I quickly told that woman what [had] transpired.

“The supervisor immediately removed the lady at the gate, then got on the computer to find out there were no flights until the next day at that point and all the running around I did was for nothing anyway. I could have driven to Saginaw in the time we spent messing with the airline, but I felt an obligation now to the older guy.

“In the end, I finally got the man hooked up with his family who wanted to drive to DTW to pick him up, and I canceled my second leg and rented a car to drive the rest of the way to the gig.

“The supervisor sent me a whopping $50 certificate, good for another Northwest flight, and a mild apology. I never used the certificate and avoided the airline for years.”

“I’ve been pretty lucky for the most part compared to fellow frequent travelers, but have been involved in crazy travel via the artists,” says Columbia Records director of field promotion David Friedman. “When renowned songwriter Brett James was pursuing a career as an artist in 2002, I scheduled him to play WYRK Buffalo, N.Y.’s Taste of Country show. The morning of the show, then-professional musician (and current BNA VP promotion) Bryan Frasher called to say that his and Brett’s flight was canceled and they were trying to get on the next plane to Buffalo. But that meant arriving after he was set to take the stage, so we rearranged the artist order with the station.

“Eventually, I drove to the airport to pick them up,” Friedman continues. “They practically dove into the car and we drove at breakneck speed back to Dunn Tire Park, where Brett was being introduced seconds after stepping out of the car. I don’t even remember the show because the second they finished, we had 45 minutes until Brett and Bryan were to fly back to Nashville. What I do remember is that drive back to the airport. Brett got a call from his wife, and the next thing I hear, he’s congratulating his son on making ‘poopy in the potty’ for the first time.”

Broken Bow Records’ national director/Southwest regional Jim Malito shares a recent story that might make you never want to eat airport food again.

“As I bit into my foot-long Subway turkey sandwich in New Orleans airport, the thought that the next 24 hours of my life would be hell never entered my mind,” he begins with dramatic flair. “[Artist] Blake Wise, his guitar player Hugh, and I waited for our flight to San Antonio and we thought we’d eat dinner before we boarded. Fifteen minutes after I ate that sandwich, I got that awful twinge in my stomach.

“[It’s] mid-August in New Orleans and here I am in the airport with extremely cold chills and no coat,” Malito continues. “I told myself if I can just hold out, I’ll be on the plane in 30 minutes and in San Antonio in 90 minutes. ‘We can do this,’ my mind told my body as I kept walking in and out of the bathroom to false alarms. Just then an announcement: ‘Due to inclement weather in San Antonio, the plane is delayed two hours.’ F&%*!

“So there I sat, the worst cold sweats I’ve had since shoveling snow as a kid in Chicago! Two hours felt like a lifetime as I endured intense pain along with cold sweats, yet I hesitantly got on the plane, took a window seat, curled up against the window and pretended no one else existed. Another announcement: ‘We are detouring around the storm and the flight will now take two hours as opposed to the normal one hour.’ F&%*!

“The pain and cold sweats worsened as we landed on the runway,” Malito continues. “Finally, we were in San Antonio. I could have lost my cookies, or sandwich, at any time. I had to be ready, so I dodged from garbage can to garbage can in the airport as we briskly walked to baggage claim. Blake and Hugh knew I was in bad shape. Hugh told me, 'Sometimes these things can just be in your head.’ As much as I liked Hugh, if I did vomit, I hoped it would be all over him!

“We got our car and headed to the hotel. Something seemed eerily wrong. There were no lights on in the city. I could see a few lights in the distance, but not as you would expect San Antonio to be at 1a.m. BLACKOUT! F&%*!

“Somehow, we managed to find our hotel. Not a light within sight. As we drove up, the front desk worker was outside with a flashlight. He welcomed us and told us he could still check us in because he printed off a guest list before the power failure. The Eagles song ‘Hotel California’ rang in my head.

“No lights, cold sweats, on the verge of puking, I asked an intelligent question: ‘Are the water heaters in this hotel gas or electric?’ I needed a hot shower badly.” Of course they were electric, so the group left the hotel at 2 a.m. and found another a few miles down the road.

“Blake knew the shape I was in, so I made it a point to tell him where my room was and if I didn’t wake up in the morning, tell my family I loved them,” Malito says.

The next day, the three men visited the San Antonio stations, although Malito was “weak and getting weaker” and hadn’t eaten in 18 hours. Hugh took the wheel for the drive to McAllen, Texas, while Malito slept. When they arrived at the restaurant where they were meeting the KTEX staffers, Malito says, “I looked as if I spent the last three days wandering around in the woods. As we sat down, [PD] JoJo [Cerda] raved about the new dessert the chef would bring us later—chocolate covered bacon! WTF&%*!”

Arista Nashville senior director of West Coast promotion Lori Hartigan says she’s been fairly lucky in her travels during her nearly 19 years with the label. But on one recent flight, she had the dreaded “loud man” in the row behind her who spent the entire flight sharing his life story with the poor passenger seated next to him.

“We heard about he was a recovering alcoholic,” Hartigan says. “Then we were privy to his political views, his real estate business, his ex-wives, and on and on. I had to scrounge through my carry on to find my iPod and my iPad to get through this one. So I listened to James Taylor (real loud) and read a book (yes at the same time) on my iPad just to drown him out.

“When we were exiting the plane, Mr. Annoying said loudly, ‘I love the flight to Phoenix. It’s only one hour and I BSed the whole way. It went fast.’ ‘Not for the rest of us,’ I said softly, and the girls around me giggled. So did some passengers rolling their eyes a few rows back.”

Finally, we heard from Broken Bow Records VP of national promotion Lee Adams, a second-degree black belt who has sometimes been tempted to use her martial arts skills on her fellow travelers.

“Why men think spreading their legs into my space and elbowing me in the ribs is acceptable is absolutely beyond me,” she says. “I finally looked at one person after they hit me about eight times with their elbow and said, ‘My elbows can break three-inch boards. Hit me with yours one more time and I’ll prove it.’ They didn’t hit me again. I also told one guy who felt at liberty to lift the arm rest and share my seat that unless he planned on paying me $100 for the half of my seat he was taking up, I strongly suggested he put the arm rest down and get his body back in his own seat.

“But nothing compared to the man who didn’t like my legs resting up on the back of his wife’s seat, and decided that opposed to asking me to take them down, he’s just hit them and knock them to the floor. That got ugly when I threatened to have him arrested for assault and told him it was a federal crime since it happened on an airplane,” Adams says. “Luckily, the flight attendants completely backed me up and were appalled a man would hit a woman, especially a complete stranger on an airplane.

“I’m continuously shocked by the rude behavior of people who sit in center seats,” Adams adds. “P.S. For the record, if George Clooney ever needs to sit in a center seat next to me, he is extremely welcome to lift the arm rest and share my seat.”